Who Hates Cooking?
by Electric Fire
Summary: Need we say more?Poor Kurt is being tortured with fruit and childrens programming.... CHAPTER 3 IS UP!
1. The beginning of the Insanity

~Who hates cooking???~  
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Storm started cooking. Wolverine came in and bugged her about her new hairdo. The lightning bolt blew up the oven.  
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A new oven was brought in. Kitty took over for Storm. Kurt ported in and scared her. Kitty phased through the oven.  
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Wolverine started up the grill while the oven was getting fixed. Bobby accidentally handed him gasoline.  
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The Acolytes came over for dinner. Rogue was cooking. Gambit was very very happy. They both had to be treated for burns.  
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Scott helped Jean cook. Kurt came in and gave Scott a friendly slap on the back. Scott and Jean were rushed to the hospital.  
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Jamie made cookies at for Home Economics. Unfortunately each of his duplicates wanted a bite. His teacher had her eyes checked.  
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Spyke tried cooking. The only thing he accomplished was Swiss cheese.  
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Jean was cooking for Home Economics. Duncan didn't like her cooking. Need we say more??  
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Lance's cooking stunk, everyone admitted it. Construction crews were called in the next day.  
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Sabertooth was cooking when the X-men attacked Magneto's hideout. Wolverine was found uncontrolably laughing next to a Kiss me, I'm Irish _and_ I cook frilly apron.  
___________  
  
Wanda tried cooking for therapy. Blob went flying through the window, bounced off of Mystique's car, and hit a nearby passerby. Police arrested him for drunk driving.  
___________  
  
Tabitha was cooking at Home Ec. Class. The teacher gave her an F. Home Ec. class was temporarily canceled.  



	2. More Insanity

Who hates cooking? Part II  
  
~~~  
Kitty and Logan were out shopping for ingredients.   
  
Chuck said to get some meat.  
  
Okay Logan.  
  
The two walked up to the counter. Seconds later, Kitty ran away screaming, leaving Logan there to scratch his head.  
  
All I did was ask for a chuck steak!  
~~~  
Ororo was baking in the kitchen. She reached for a box of Shake-n-bake. The box transformed into Mystique and Ororo ran screaming from the room.  
~~~  
Kurt was chopping up a banana to make some fruit salad. All of a sudden all the Wiggles marched in and began to sing.   
Fruit salad! Yummy Yummy! Fruit Salad, Yummy Yummy! Fruit salad! Yummy Yummy!  
Kurt's eyes grew wide with fear.  
The Wiggles' cook came into the room Yummy Yummy Yummy Yummy Fruit Salad!  
Kurt gave a scream and ran from the room, the Wiggles followed him from the room, Lets make some fruit salad today! Uh-uh! Its fun to do its the healthy way! Uh-uh!  
10 minutes later, Professor Xavier rolled in. Where's the band I hired for my party?  
~~~  
Kurt had just managed to shake the Wiggles and their evil cook. He took a cookie out of the jar and sat down on the couch. The next thing he knew Cookie Monster had sat down next to him.  
Kurt looked over at his fellow blue friend.  
C is for Cookie! That good enough for me!  
Cookie Monster grabbed his cookie and ate it.  
C is for Cookie! That good enough for me!  
Cookie Monster began tearing apart the room, singing and looking for cookies.  
C is for Cookie! That good enough for me!  
Kurt took cover behind a desk.   
oh cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C! C is for Cookie! That good enough for me!  
Kurt ran from the room with Cookie Monster following him.  
Professor Xavier rolled in 10 minutes later, I thought I told my party entertainment to wait here!  
~~~  
Wanda was cooking. Actually she was making popcorn. As she made it, strange guests began to appear at the table.  
First appeared Barney, the big purple dinosaur. Next came Jim Carrey, followed by Tom Cruise. Soon there were various stars and famous people sitting around the kitchen table.  
Wanda turned around. The people surprised her.  
16 Chinese people in Hong Kong were now wondering how the heck 20 famous people covered in popcorn appeared in their living room.  
~~~  
Kitty was cooking, everyone had taken cover except poor little Jamie, who just happened to walk into the kitchen at the wrong time.  
Kitty offered him a cookie and left some macaroni boiling on the stove. She opened up the cubboard and Pryo jumped out of it and screamed.   
One Jamie had to get his stomach pumped, 3 others had to be treated for burns. Kitty just phased through the flame.  
~~~  
It was St.Patricks Day, and Ororo was kneading the dough for the Irish Soda Bread.  
Logan came in and distracted her, so she didn't notice that she had put yeast in the bread by accident (A/N Soda bread rises on its own, so you don't need yeast).  
Ororo put the bread in the oven.  
Kurt had just managed to escape the wrath of Cookie Monster, and headed into the kitchen.   
The bread exploded with such force that it blew out the oven. Poor Kurt was taken to the hospital for numerous burns and injuries. The Wiggles came in to visit him and cheer him up.


	3. Poor Kurt

Oh no! I've written another chapter! Help us all!!  
  
Yah, so I originally written this story as different random cooking events, but I felt really evil today and decided just to continue torturing Kurt with children's programing. They say you always hurt those you love.....  
  
Poor Kurt had returned home from the hospital mere days ago. The Professor had removed all of his memories of the evil wiggles. Unfortunately, he was not to be happy for long.  
He had walked downstairs into the kitchen for breakfast and decided to make some toast. Kurt buttered the toast and had just sat down to eat it when all of a sudden, four giant alien babies who wanted to take over the world (more commonly known as Tinkie-Winkie, Dipsy, Laa-Laa, and Po) barged into the room screaming, TUBBY TOAST! TUBBY TOAST!!!  
Thus, Kurt bamfed out of the room as fast as possible, leaving the Teletubbies to devour the toast in peace.  
  
Later, after the Professor reassured him that the Teletubbies were a hallucination that was side-effect of his medicine, Kurt ventured forth from his room.  
He took a banana in one hand and, looking around nervously, slowly went to peel it.  
But this was not to be! The banana suddenly sprouted legs and ran around singing, Bananas in Pyjamas! Bananas in Pyjamas! Kurt tried to run, but a pinapple nearby sprouted a door and out walked a little sponge.  
Oh! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?  
I don't know! Replied the totally baffled Kurt.  
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! The little sponge yelled in his ear.   
What's with all the singing fruit? The blue teenager sobbed, completely breaking down.  
And low and behold, The Wiggles marched in.  
Kurt mumbled, thinking fast,   
The Wiggles sighed and left the room. Taking this moment to escape, Kurt slowly stood up, but it was too late!  
If you like to talk to tomatoes, If a squash can make you smile, if you like to waltz with potatoes, up and down the produce aisle!! Have we got a show for you!  
Kurt groaned. He knew what was coming as he watched the small tomato who had hopped in be joined by a cucumber with a tuba.  
Veggie Tales! Veggie Tales! Veggie Tales! Broccoli, Celery, gotta be....Veggie Tales! Cauliflower, sweet and sour. Half an hour, Veggie Tales!  
Without further ado, Kurt bamfed up to his room, from where he refuse to eat for three whole days.


End file.
